What We See, What We Get

I was walking through a store recently and passed a women--fairly heavy-set, wearing a lot of jewelry.  Multiple necklaces, earrings, facial piercings.  And a voice said in my head "Are you wearing all that jewelry to make people think you're pretty?"  I stopped short, shocked at myself for even thinking that, but even more shocked because it wasn't my voice--not the choice of words or the tone. Yes, I often think judgmental thoughts about other people's appearances, but this wasn't me.

I sat down and thought awhile, and eventually turned up the memory.  It was sixth grade, and a boy had said that to me one day when I had been wearing layered necklaces in different lengths (in imitation of a friend of mine).  That poisonous thought had been stored somewhere in me for all these years, and likely formed a part of the many times I've dismissed myself or other people as not measuring up, not attractive.

That moment made one of the central tenets of yoga so clear--that although we identify with our thoughts, we are not our thoughts.  Those familiar loops that run through our brains every day may not even be generated by our selves, but may come from things said long ago, pictures noticed in an advertisement, chatter in the air.  We are radio antennae, receptors for signals from the people and culture around us.  When the instruction comes to let go, to release our hold on our thoughts, on our desires, we say that we can't--we can't let go of our selves.  But is this our Selves?  Or do we mistake the waves for the ocean?